mostly 8DDDD

I hate getting these stupid mood swings. They're few and far between, but when I get them it's annoyingly debilitating.

Though I guess it isn't really a mood swing if it's a culmination of feelings I've been keeping at bay, i.e. inadequacy, incompetence. The job grind remains unsympathetic and unsuccessful, but there's nothing I can do to improve the odds besides keeping at it tenaciously. It's endlessly frustrating, but I admit that my complacency has certainly not been helping the situation, and I'm prepared to try harder.

In other news, with the encouragement of friends I'd decided to keep my okCupid account active, but I just can't bloody stay on that site for more than half an hour at any given time. I've been approached a few times but I've never bothered to follow through or make anything of the chats/message exchanges. Am I too proud for it? Too apprehensive? Too reluctant to step out of my comfort zone? What the hell's my problem? Even with online comms like okCupid I find myself handicapped. Why can't I meet new people like a normal person? I have no interest or ambition that gives me social opportunities, and the thought of participating in any social event where interaction with total strangers is expected (like church) freaks me out. It's like I'd forgotten how to do things on my own. Have I always been this afraid of how others think of me? My whole life's been charmed with things that just happen. I've never had to actively seek out friends; they've always found me. Socially, I've never had to work for anything. The thought of putting myself out there like I'm desperate for something makes me feel idiotic and vulnerable.

Is it possible that I'm simply just... afraid of PEOPLE? How the fuck did I GET like this?

WTF IS THIS

I'm reading my old threads from aubade_daybreak from when I was in polychromatic and homfg the angst.

My excuse is that, well, it's GUNDAM SEED and it's all about the gay and over-the-top angst and overwrought epic cheesy emotional shit

but man did I milk it! My writing makes me BURN IN OCCASIONAL SHAME.

NEVER AGAIN. NO MORE ANGST. CFUD HAS CHANGED ALL THAT THANK YOU CFUD.

The saddest part is that – and I can confess this now 3 years later – I was so busy getting Nicol to chase Athrun's ass and generating BAWWW that in retrospect I didn't spend nearly as much time as I should have with other characters with whom Nicol had potential with. AH HINDSIGHT'S A BITCH.

I dreamt that I was eating the Black Angus $13.99 bacon-wrapped filet mignon.

I guess I must want it really badly.

Also [ETA] I came into work 5 minutes ago to find my boss ranting and raving about issues/hang-ups with a business partner, about another business partner. He's a pretty mild guy normally so I've never seen him raise his voice or pound the desk. It was kinda scary.

Makes me wonder if I scare people the same way when I'm ranting. XD;

And now even after he hung up it's super tense and awkward in here cuz he's clearly upset and it doesn't help that it's FUCKING FREEZING.

Lolol planning for future cons already BECAUSE I LIKE TO HURT MYSELF

COSPLAY

- Albert | Cyborg 009
- Nakatsu | HanaKimi
- Koizumi | Lovely Complex
- 0079 Amuro
- CCA Amuro
- Taikoubou | Houshin Engi
- DOGS
- Gan-chan | Yatterman
- TATSUNOKO GROUP? (i.e. Arashi PV) lol oldschool points +9000
- Kanna | Sakura Taisen
- Seiya | Saint Seiya
- Aisha | Outlaw Star
- Leo | Scrapped Princess

italics = scheduled

ANTHOLOGIES

- Young Avengers/Runaways
- Supernatural
- Orichalcum 2

SHIT I HAVE TO READ/WATCH

- FINISH SOUL EATER
- FINISH GUNDAM 00
- Shiki
- 07 Ghost
- Eden of the East
- Waq Waq
- Pandora Hearts
- hey Outlaw Star HOW 'BOUT THAT

WAS ON IDOBI RADIO AAHHH

A song was playing that I've never heard before but the voice was familiar and I checked the title/band and OMGGG IT'S TINTED WINDOWS!

To the uninitiated (and cooler than me i.e. too cool not to be stupidly excited about this) this is Taylor Hanson's side project/collaboration with 3 members from 3 other bands (Fountains of Wayne, Smashing Pumpkins, FCKIN CHEAP TRICK). I've known about this but I haven't heard any of their music til now and NNGGGG IT'S SO GOOOOOOD I am totally going to buy the album when it comes out.

And then I check the band website and find out THEY WERE ON JIMMY FALLON 3 WEEKS AGO FFFFFFFFUCK MY LIFE

And now, as my defensive indignation reared its ugly head (when I told Cindy about this and she said "lolol Hanson", but only as a mild tease) I recall a week ago when at game night at Lisa's and she invited New Guy to join the usual gang, and he was alright for the most part, until when playing Apples to Apples he misheard a prompt as "Hanson", and after correction he said something like, "oh okay, cuz I was thinking, what's synonymous to (somethingsomething maybe a slightly negative adjective) '90's boyband'?". My reflexive reaction was of course "WHAT, HANSON'S NOT A BOYBAND" (the caps lock was only in my head, I didn't actually shout at him, thank god). To which he replied "they were boys, and they were in a band."

And then I was quietly furious with him the rest of the night.

Because CLEARLY, judging by the kind of person he is (and I am going into my Caste-System Bitch Mode here) i.e. Nerdy Geektastic he probably has a negligible scope of knowledge on the great wide boundless world of music (I mean the entire spectrum), he probably has an inherent/socially-conditioned dislike for popular/mainstream music, which means he is at least a little musically ignorant (hey, I'm musically ignorant. At least I know it and admit it and don't go around unknowingly dissing other people's taste in music), biased, and is unaware of the conventional meaning/connotation of "boyband" which is:

"Although there are no distinct traits defining a boy band, one could label a band a 'boy band' for following mainstream music trends, changing their appearances to adapt to new fashion trends, having elaborate dance moves, and performing elaborate shows." - Wikipedia

So that would be to call the Jonas Brothers, The Moffatts, oh and every other instrument-playing teenage all-boys pop/punk/emo/alternative/rock band in high school a boyband.

I imagine all of them would say the same thing: FUCK YOU BUDDY.

(This tl;dr is really just a reactionary lashing-out due to the accumulated irritation from the shit I get from being stigmatized for liking Hanson. GUESS WHAT ASSHOLES, THEY'VE GROWN UP, THEIR MUSIC'S GROWN UP, they've stopped living in the 90s and SO SHOULD YOU.)

I enjoy thinking about it, I enjoy studying the concepts and theories, but I'm slow as hell in application, and when there are problems/mistakes in the formula I don't know how to fix it, and then get frustrated, and flip tables.

LIKE NOW.

Remember the time when you've built about 75% of a whole page on Dreamweaver, with all the structures and elements in the right place, before you test them across browsers and find out that the formatting FAILS?

It's that time. Right now.

The irony is that IE is doing everything right, Firefox is not.

Why can't things on Dreamweaver appear as they would on the browser? THAT WOULD BE REALLY HELPFUL. This is CS4 for fuck's sake. I'm sure by now the developers would've realized the most commonly-used browser is Firefox.

RRRRR /wrangles with the code

ALSO MY TONGUE SORE HURTS LIKE A BITCH ON FIRE. It'd better be gone by Fanime fckingfcksldkfj /takes another ibuprofen

So guess who's been drawing an 11x17 landscape format poster with an 18th century building and 16 background extras, since about... 11 hours ago?

AHAHA I CAN HEAR THE BIRDS CHIRPING it makes me nostalgic for my college days.

- @ work, 4:05pm -

GOD THIS CHAIR HURTS MY ASS

It becomes especially prominent around this time in the day, when I've been on it about 6 hours, and no matter how I shift on my seat the discomfort doesn't diminish.

Am very glad co-worker's hellpooch isn't here today (boss is a v. nice guy who allows his employees to bring their pets) cuz god each time I hear it snarl I get bad, super neurotic mental scenarios with Cujo/Hound of the Baskervilles. Even though hellpooch is some kind of chihuahua mix and is pretty small. Sounds and behaves like it's part mastiff or pit bull though.

THIS IS REALLY LONG FOR A TWATTER POST